Mysterious, Context-Free Food-Related Comment Repost Riposte
A comment, utterly without context, left at my post below on Jim Graham’s proposed pizza ban:
My response: I’d skip it, really. You never know what food lurks in an office. It could be anything from the best piece of cake ever to the worst-tasting practical joke ever.
Regardless, why would someone put chocolate and walnuts in a tupperware (or such) container and leave it in a conference room? For 24 hours, no less. Just doesn’t make sense. What’s more, it doesn’t seem like you’re the brightest bulb (on account of you leaving this out-of-context inquiry to your colleagues on a blog post about pizza slices). If one of your smart co-workers didn’t scoop up the chocolate/walnut combo before you, there’s probably a reason for it.
And do you know if it’s even chocolate and walnuts? It doesn’t sound like you do. So many things can look like chocolate and walnuts these days and be something else entirely. Like rotten pot roast and onions. Or tree bark and mealy worms. Or something the cleaning lady scooped up in the restroom and accidentally set down in the conference room when her cell phone rang.
But–and this is important–people leave food around the office (usually in the fridge) for the purpose of coming back at a later time to eat that food. Office common areas are by their very nature communal spaces. But, unless the food to which you refer was purchased by the office manager for some meeting and never possessed by one person with the intent of eating said food, the choco/walnut thing belongs to somebody. That’s the office-food bargain. And if that food was left in the conference room by a co-worker, they didn’t leave it there so you could get all up in their food. Don’t tragify the commons.
One more thing. It sounds like you have regular access to an office. That means you also have a job, right? And one of the benefits of having a job is the attendant income. So use some of the money you make at the job to buy your own damn food. Head to Dean & Deluca and buy yourself some nice chocolate and fancy walnuts. Mix them together. Make them “look[] really good.” Eat them with confidence. But don’t steal your co-workers’s food. Teh internets is rife with hatred for immoral office-food thieves.
Finally, you might be concerned that this food is rotten–or getting there. It sounds like at present you are mostly unconcerned about this, since you’re wondering if you can eat it. But, hey. I don’t know you. Maybe you’re Andrew Zimmern, and are thus relatively unfazed by rotten, stenchy office food that’s been sitting around for at least as many hours as Jack Bauer bores us with that same story each television season.
If you are Andrew Zimmern, refer to my warning above about eating other people’s food. If you’re not Zimmern, and you decide to dispose of the food in a proper receptacle (not your gullet), etiquette dictates that you first do something like stick a post-it note on the package. Write something like, “Thur., 5/28, If you’re going to eat this food, please do so by Mon., 6/1. If the food is still here on 6/2, it gets tossed.”
And when 6/2 arrives, toss the food and forget about it. At least until the cleaning lady takes it out of the trash and puts it back on the counter, hoping to entice you again.
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