A New One
I thought I had heard all varieties of eating weirdness: “vegetarians” who eat poultry and fish, cheesatarians, etc. But this doesn’t make any sense.
Mrs. Kuhl and her BFFs have been taking a series of wine-tasting classes where they get together, drink wine, giggle, gossip about boys, talk about tampons — you know, the stuff chicks do. At last night’s class, a rogue male was present and the ladies struck up a running conversation. The instructor pairs the wine with food, and with one particular vintage he served pepperoni, which the male refused. When asked why, he replied that he only ate meat that wasn’t prey.
When pressed, the male said he once read a tale of high-seas cannibalism featuring shipwreck and pirates, which the Juris Doctorates among the group realized was a mongrelized version of Regina v Dudley and Stephens. How this rationalized his eating habits was unclear.
Was he serious? I asked Mrs. Kuhl. He only eats meat that isn’t prey. How does that work? He dines exclusively on wolves and alligators? The Burger2? Wife said the man went on to describe an incident in which he witnessed a chicken peck a frog to death, thereby justifying his consumption of chicken. OK, but something still eats the chicken, therefore it’s still prey. Does he eat the species as punishment for the aggression of an individual?
After trying to bend my mind around that I eventually returned to my time-tested conclusion about the world: People are crazy.
Photo courtesy of Heather.
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Baylen Linnekin
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saratoday
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keith
