Archives for the 'subway' tag
Michael Phelps to Promote Sub-Par Sandwiches in New Ad Campaign
At the end of last week, Subway announced that it would be entering into an exclusive fast-food advertising contract with Michael Phelps, swimmer extraordinaire, and winner of eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics.
The new campaign will highlight Subway as a destination for indulgent meals, such as a meatball sub, as well as healthy choices, such as grilled chicken on wheat. “Subway restaurants have always given me the options that I am looking for — whether that’s healthy sandwiches before a big meet or the tasty meatball sub that I treat myself with,” Michael Phelps said in the company’s release. “I was ready to take my Subway fandom to the next level — I really think of Subway as a champion food option.”
Well, it definitely will be easy for Michael Phelps to promote these “indulgent meals”, seeing as he eats twelve-thousand calories per day during the season (which is about ten thousand more than most people eat). Great for Michael, and perhaps for Subway as well, but what about Jared? Now that he’s lost all this weight, Subway can’t use him anymore? Jared’s a man of the people, and he makes me want to eat a Subway sandwich (even if the bread does get too soggy sometimes and the toasters there are almost always broken), not Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps makes me want to throw up when I see him eating a Subway sandwich, because all I can think about is what he ate for breakfast a few hours before (probably ten pancakes, six pieces of bacon, four eggs, and four sausages – my dream breakfast, but still pretty sickening). Let’s bring back Jared. Phelps – you’re impressive, but you should stick with Speedo and Visa.
Stop Crying on Your Foot Long: Jared, Biggest Loser, Alive
Say it ain’t so, Jooo… Jared! Yes, it’s true–Subway weight loser Jared kicked the bucket yesterday, according to the tribute site JaredRemembered.com.
Jared S. Fogel, best known as the spokesman for Subway sandwich shop “The Subway Guy” Born December 1st, 1977 – Died yesterday at 4:43pm EST.
The autopsy has not been performed, early medical reports indicate that he has died due to abnormal abdominal adhesions resulting from his 1998 gastric bypass surgery.
Wow. What a bummer. Actually–and this was obvious to anyone who saw the tribute site–it turns out it’s just a hoax.
After years of force-feeding himself thousands of turkey sandwiches on wheat, hold the flavor, all he gets is a nasty, virulent death.
What a rip!
The death is a fake, of course, but that doesn’t seem to have stopped the reports from spreading like light mayonnaise across the digital by-ways.
Wow. What a bummer. Another good way to tell someone is alive: you’re not dead unless Wikipedia says you are, dammit.
